30
Mar

Bikini Traffic School (1998)

Director: Gary Graver
Starring: Shayna Ryan, Maureen Flaherty, Shari Eckert, Gregory S. O’Rourke, Steve Scionti, T. Stewart Hall, Oleg Zatsepin, Ian Jacklin, K.A. Read.
Anti-porn and anti-humor, that’s a combination you don’t see often. And you know, there’s a reason for that. Anyway, this movie is about a couple of bimbos with a capital B (or should I say, a capital D? My god, I’ve been watching too much of this movie) who try to save the traffic school of “aunt Velma”. We never get to see this woman, but I bet good money that she’s a 50-year-old fake blonde chain smoker with a make-your-own-implants-kit. Anyway, these women try to save this traffic school by working hard, and with working hard, I mean spraying each other with water and taking their clothes of a lot. In between the awkwardly lame jokes, we usually get 30 seconds of cold and sour luvin’ between bored looking men and women with breasts you can get stabbed with, which is of course edited so it seems like it’s roughly 10 minutes. This is all accompanied by endless songs to really put the idea in our brains that this is sexy material. We’re in for a twist ending, as the hussy squad saves the day. Didn’t see that one coming,right? I should probably add that soft-core isn’t really my forte, since you know, it’s crap.But still, who ever came up with this idea? Soft-core isn’t about laughter(especially not this one), it’s about not having sex. This is an insult to crappy skin flicks everywhere.

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